Sunday, January 21, 2007

Couldn't I just...?

Food has been tauting me all day. All the food that was hanging around the house before I left? A whole lot of it is still here. I've been really good (it got close though, I ate half a snack size pork pie and then had to move away, I counted it on fitday though), I had a small sandwich, two chicken drumsticks a boiled egg and a lot of salad from the buffet, followed by a banana. When I got in from work I made myself some dinner by cooking some chicen breast in a smokey sauce and culling just a little rice and a lot of salad from the table.

The cake is still there. The trifle is still there. The caramel shortbread thingies were still there.

This has been the first day that I have really really wanted something that wasn't good for me food-wise since I started this. Before it was 'yes, that would taste good but I'm not having it', now my thoughts are pretty much limited to 'gingercakegingercaketriflegingercakepie'. I find myself approximating calories in my head and trying to convince myself I could do it. The only thing stopping me right now is how bad I'll feel for it later.

At work there were lots of yummy looking desserts in the wheel-o-doom and for some reason I really wanted a mars bar. I was thinking 'you've already had that half of a mini pork pie, you may as well just have the chocolate and enjoy it', but then if I choose to eat a chocolate bar I want it to be because I decided in a advance 'okay, you can have this today' and not because I gave in to a moment of weakness.

I don't understand why just today my brain has been screaming at me to eat all the crap I can find. Maybe because it's just so blatently available right now? I almost hope my period is due so I at least have a rational explantion but alas, methinks not for another week (ah, something else to look forward to).