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Monday, January 15, 2007

Motivation

What's your motivation for losing weight?

'To be healthy' I used to say ostentatiously (when I really meant 'to look good'), but I find that idea a little too vague to wrap my mind around. Not to mention the fact that there are people out there that are healthy and happy despite not being their ideal weight, so while it's an excellent and valid reason to start eating right, a month in I don't tend to feel quite so virtuous. I tend to need something solid and unchanging, like a big event.

I'm kind of the same with money. I'll start saving 'for a rainy day' and then it will slowly peter out, but when I had a solid goal (a new laptop for example) I enjoy squirreling away as much as I can.

My event right now is that I've applied to participate in the JET (Japanese Exchange and Teaching) programme, I find out this month if they'll let me interview. The thought of having to live being compared to all the sterotypically skinny Japanese women makes me break out in a cold sweat. For reals. Even normal (quote, unquote) sized people have trouble shopping there as Westerner's just tend to be bigger than the Japanese average. Here, it's not socially acceptable to be fat, but there is at least a little recognition within the clothing industry that larger sizes need to be catered for. They can be harder, but not impossible to find. Japan (as far as I can gather), not so much.

Mentally it's going to be a challenge as I would have stuck out as being different anyway (especially if I'm put in a more rural area), even without the weigt issue. Eating disorders arise when the patient mistakenly believe they're fatter than everyone else (disclaimer: I know that's a gross simplification, don't sue), in my case, that's pretty much going to be true. I've alway wanted to go to Japan so this wouldn't stop me, but it's a worry.

On the plus side, the fact that it's a worry definately helps me make the right choices when it comes to food. It may even (horror of horrors) make me start exercising one of these days. Though that does make me wonder, if I don't get this will all my good intentions come crashing down with no solid goal to prop them? I'll try my best to not let it, the devestation of not doing the year would be bad enough at that point.

Sigh, it's a bit of an uncertain time. I swing from being excited and confident to worried and scared and back again. I didn't get it when I did a year in Sweden, or the US, but I guess it's pretty normal when you face a big change like going to another country, right?

Right?

2 comments:

Fatgirl said...

Thanks for your comments. I just found my way to your blog today. A big event is a good motivator to lose weight. I have used trips and weddings to stay focused on weight loss, sort of like a reward for all your hard work. But what happens after the event?

Zanitta said...

Exactly! I don't know, hopefully I'll be strong enough at that point, and seeing the benefits enough that I'll keep going. Of course, assuming I'm successful in getting there I will be surrounded by skinny people, so that will still be there...