Monday, April 30, 2007

Official April Weigh In

I just stepped of the scales and my official loss for the month comes in at 13 lbs, down to 231.8. There was a little but if wobbling between 231.8 and 232 but I just scraped it through to a nice whole number lost. It's great to have such a productive month after a couple that were either less so or not at all.

My craving for a certain British classic is not only gone; it's back to making me feel physically ill at the thought of it. In hindsight I'm glad I didn't indulge. I wouldn't have been upset with myself if I had because I would have planned it so that was all I ate that day (a portion comes out at something like 1300 calories!), but the feeling of waking up the next morning still feeling full of what you know is greasy potato (because you ate it so late and it just sat it your stomach all night)is an experience I'm glad I missed. Especially when I see the difference in the readings.

A Craving

I quite fancy fish and chips at the moment. Anyone outside of the UK who has never had the pleasure of stepping into a chippy and breathing in the smell of a fresh, piping hot serving of proper battered cod and chips, I both envy and pity you.

I pity you because you don't know what you're missing and no place trying to give you the same experience in another country ever quite matches it. I envy you because you don't know what your missing, and therefore don't care.

Not to sound obsessive, but fish and chips is pretty much a British institution. As a meal it's full of grease (being entirely deep fried) and has practically no redeeming features. There are times during a very healthy stint when the thought of consuming it will make me feel somewhat nauseated.

But alas, the love has been bred deep into my cultural DNA, and no matter how healthy I get, how much weight I lose, or how bad I know the sweet, sweet grease is for me, it won't change.

I am delaying the fulfilment of this particular pleasure until after my weigh in tomorrow. It's possible that the craving will be gone by then, but if it's still there then I'm off up the chippy to enjoy every mouthful.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Psychological observations

When I'm off plan and want a socially acceptable excuse to eat, I buy or cook things for everyone else and then join them while eating them. This isn't a particularly new thing; I bake a pan of brownies, everybody has one and when they leave - oh look! half a pan of brownies that I'll have to find something to do with...

When I'm on plan I do something else. I feed other people. I'm not sure why, but some part of my brain feels like it's easier if I'm stuffing other people full of food while not stuffing myself. It's a strange - almost virtuous - feeling. Some people use food to punish themselves, I think that sometimes I use food to punish other people. Looking at that feeling closely and actually identifying it I'm not that proud of myself, but it's a realisation I've just had.

On to brighter things, I saw another low on the scale that I (once again) don't entirely trust because this time I'm finishing my period and have that inevitable light day just after, but it felt nice to see the number all the same.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Okay, most the time it IS about me.

The Easter eggs were indeed all eaten, because my willpower is good like that. I had a particularly classy moment when I woke up about 5:30am after dozing off in front of my laptop when I realised that a piece of chocolate had broken off, fallen underneath me as I rolled onto my stomach to type and melted between my skin and the quilt cover. Read that sentence again and then take a moment to contemplate exactly how much you totally want to be me.

I'm not feeling too bad about the chocolate though. My calories have been really low the last few of days (I'm thinking possibly due to the fact that I am not awake for many of the daylight hours and then go straight to work,) so while I'm sure my fat/sugar percentages were utterly screwed for the day I don't actually think I was so completely over my calories for the days.

I'm going to have a final push for the last few days of April and try and get 235 on the scale again before the month is over and it is time for my 'official' weight-in. If I don't I'm not going to stress overly much about it though because unless I start drip feeding myself warm lard until the 30th I should be posting a good loss. Better yet, considering my Feb and March, a loss. Period.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

It's not always about me

My good friend Tamera has taken the first step of her weight loss journey, so if you've got a sec go say hello!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Time's doing a little more then flying

Did someone strap a rocket to the backside of this year? I mean seriously, it's April 24th. APRIL 24TH. As in nearly my birthday, something I count as nearly halfway through the year. Nuts.

My monthly friend arrived tonight. Funny thing was though, that I saw 235.0 on the scale this morning and I don't know how much faith to put in it. On one hand I always weight heavier on the first day so it could be a really good WI, but on the other I didn't actually start until about 5 or 6 in the evening, so the reading may have been taken too early to have made a difference in the weight. That said, as I type this it occurs to me that my 'morning' weight is classed as the weight I am when I first wake up (it's part of my routine; I wake up, stumble out of bed, stub my toe, curse, fumble down the hallway with my eyes closed, go to the bathroom, then weigh myself on the way back to my room), which wasn't until about 3:15 this afternoon.

Yeah, I sleep until 3 in the afternoon. Shut up.

Either way, it was a loss, so good weight for me. I'm just wondering if it's my 'real' weight, or if it will be a little lower once I let go of the excess water.

It possibly won't make a difference if I choose to tuck into any the two Easter eggs (mmm...Maltesers) my mum brought for me from my grandfather and her (she lives further way and has only visited today so didn't have a chance to give them me at Easter, not a good thing to have in the house while your PMS cravings have got you gnawing at the corner of the fridge). If I succumb to temptation rest assured that I will be saying that my weight must just have been 235 to begin with.

I've changed last months weigh in from 'none' to my actual weight, I was thinking about it and decided I may as well 'fess up and have it reflect that actual truth even if it's not pretty. Of course this reasoning is lot easier to face now that I've lost what I put back on!

Friday, April 20, 2007

And back I come

Has anyone else noticed how much easier it is to eat salad and fruit when it's warm outside? I would worry about these uncharacteristic bursts of healthy food, but I doubt it will last long wnough to do me any permenant damage. Great Britain has been enjoying a few of the ten or so days of good weather we seem to be allotted annually and I have been celebrating this happy time by keeping the Sainsbury's salad bar profit margin afloat via my lunchtime selections.

Sadly, this has had little effect on my waistline, as I have also been keeping the profit margins of several confectionary companies afloat via my nighttime selections. The seesaw on which my scale produces it's regular tap-dancing extravaganza is currently in perfect balance.

Could be worse I suppose.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007


The months of uncertainty have given way to... months of uncertainty.

I got made an Alternate. Basically, every year they have a certain number of people drop out or not be able to go, when one of them does they'll start going down the alternate list, if I'm high enough up it then anytime between now and October they can call me and say 'wanna go to Japan?'.

Everybody go away.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

No Letter

Kill Me.

Sunday, April 08, 2007


Letter. Did. Not. Arrive.

*bangs head repeatedly*

Saturday, April 07, 2007

We should soon be returning to our regularly scheduled programming

Please excuse the complete lack of foodie-type posts, my entire life has been consumed with the wait for The Letter and the swings between elation and devastation that inevitably accompany it.

If it doesn't come tomorrow and I end up having to wait until Tuesday I'm gonna put on my ass kickin' pants. Let this be a warning to you all.

Friday, April 06, 2007

I want to punch Easter bank holidays in the neck

Some of the bastards living in London have already got their results letter from the interview today because they live quite close to the embassy so it's gotten to them quicker. Thanks to the stupid fucking double Easter bank holiday there is no way I will find out until at least Tuesday.

My displeasure at this turn of events KNOWS NO BOUNDS!

Edit: One of the sharper crayons in the box phoned royal mail and apparently they said Saturday will be a normal post day, so there is a small ray of hope there.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

agh! AGH!

Doh! I've had to put my Johnny Cash on repeat thanks to the title of my last post.

So. I told you about the interview I had to try and get that job in Japan right? I was putting off stressing about it, past the vague feeling of nervousness, because I wouldn't hear about the results until May so no point getting all worked up about right? Stay at a low ebb Zan, plenty of time for all that later.

Imagine my surprise when I check my friends page on livejournal and the jetjapan community is in uproar with the US/Australian results. Because apparently I can't read (I should probably get that fixed before setting foot in a Japanese classroom) and what the site actually said is we will be getting our results sometime in April, with PLACEMENT DETAILS in May for those who are successful.


The Americans are always a little ahead of us when it comes to hearing about the results (damn you!) but I think I may hear about this some time in the next few weeks.

Excuse me while I go throw up everything I've ever eaten to make more room for the butterflies dancing the macarena in my stomach.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

I went down, down, down (and the flames went higher)

I finally (Finally!) saw a number this morning that was lower than my February WI. I'm not going to put it here lest I jinx myself but I have to say it's nice to see some downward mobility after quite a dry spell. Especially considering on Thursday I was looking far too closely at the mid-240's for my liking. From the amount I've dropped I can only imagine that a lot of it was water weight, but it still feels good.

Monday, April 02, 2007

I 'aint no April Fool

As you can see from the sidebar, I have no official weigh in this month. This is because I've had a bad month and I wanted to give myself a second (third, fourth) chance. Between you and me, I stepped on the scale briefly the a few days ago to have a rough start mark for my diet pill experiment, and saw a rather scary number. It's come down since to an (only slightly) more acceptable 241.something-or-other.

(Because of the pills? I can't decide! I've only been taking them a couple of days and I want to give them a good two or three weeks to see if they really are helping or if I'm just having a few lucky numbers come up)

I'm feeling a little calmer since (possible because of) my last food related vent. Maybe because I am taking the pills now I feel like I'm at least trying to take control of my eating, even if my method isn't ideal. The head hunger as well as the physical one doesn't seem to be clawing me as much.

By indulging in the miserable self-pity of my return entry I didn't tell you any of the good things that have happened in the month I was away. I got a shiny new laptop, it's not the Samsung Q35 I was going to get, it is a Samsung (an R40) but for the difference in specs I couldn't justify paying the extra £400 (approx $750 US I guess). I got a new wig a couple of weeks ago two, same colour (a deep reddish-chestnutty shade) and only a slightly different style. My old one was on it's last legs so the texture wasn't very good, but this one is really sleek and pretty.

Abby celebrated her third birthday in March. I may actually die if I see her and she gets any cuter.