Saturday, March 01, 2008

A tragicomedy in two acts

"Silence is pouring into this play like water into a sinking ship"

I feel like that sometimes, like I'm just sitting here waiting for Godot. Like there's nothing to be done and I'll be doing it for a while longer. But the silence must be avoided at all costs, let us eat, sleep, talk, argue, make up, sing, play games, exercise, swap hats, contemplate suicide, anything but let the silence break things down completely.

Japan, in contrast, is fine. The bitter winter is just beginning to falter, and in another month the sakura will be blooming. I signed on for another year a few weeks ago, and I've been studying nearly every day. Things are easier. I knew the 'down' would come even before I arrived, but I didn't realise how bad it felt until I looked back and realised I wasn't there anymore. The sense of purpose is back.

It's the only area of my life that has it. I seem to be a trial version of myself that will let me focus on Japan or weight, but I'll have to purchase a key before I can do both. In the mean time I keep saying "Let's go", but do not move. I get heavier. I do not move.

Act II

Next day. Same time.

Same place.